That’s the word that best describes the last 9 weeks of my life. Disbelief. My mother in law asked me recently what thought went through my head when they placed John on my chest moments after he was born, and that was it: I can’t believe it. That my water broke 11 days before my due date. The memory is so clear, standing in my bedroom as the contractions grew stronger I can’t believe this is happening already. Disbelief. That I was in labor for so long (28 hours!). That things didn’t go according to planned. That I was even pregnant in the first place.

And then he was here. My baby. A baby I would never have to give back to his momma for comfort. That was me, I was his momma. I am his momma.

That same feeling of disbelief filled me up as we lay in my hospital bed a few hours later, his dark eyes blinking up at me in the still, almost silent night (Daddy was snoring on the pullout sofa). I don’t think John could believe it either.

That first night at home, John lying between us on our bed, all three of us snuggled in a family hug, our hospital bracelets all in view. With my name. I’m the momma.

And now it’s been two months. He’s not tiny anymore, in fact he’s huge. He feels heavy in my arms, his fingers no longer look long and slender since his wrists have plumped up and his hands are cute pudgy baby hands.

He knows my voice and he smiles at me and Daddy. He’s working on his laugh, on holding up his head, and he’ll be moving into his own room soon. How is time going by so fast?

I have to keep reminding myself: Slow down and enjoy it. There will be time for blogging and house cleaning, for website remodels, for business plans and thank you notes. Don’t forget to be still and just stare at him. Take things slow, because he certainly isn’t. Before long he’ll be hard to snuggle. Relish it. Breathe in his smells and his smiles. He is yours.

I can hardly believe it

I’d like to formally introduce you to John Bernerd Hansel, born January 10, 2012 at 2:04 am.

Things will be slowly getting back on track with Emily Hansel designs, with recaps of my 2011 projects interspersed with updates on my greatest design yet.